Recent Posts

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 10
NEAR-Fest XXVIII - October 16 & 17 2020. / Re: A little confused
« Last post by KA2QFX on October 09, 2020, 05:06:45 PM »

"PS: The car show and the horse shows are held at the discretion of the DFA Directors.  I am sure they are in compliance with the NH health department guidelines."
ROFL !!!   Only while standing in line for tickets. After that. not so much. Not even a little.

I fully understand the decision given the info available at the time.  I just find it irksome that the DFA permitted other larger groups to hold events. The car show attendees were a similar age group.  Overall, the decision was not wrong by any means, just unfortunate. Losing a hamfest pales in comparison to what others are suffering due to the COVID-19 restrictions on life and commerce.  Whether these, and continued, restrictions  are fully justified is a subject for much debate. The damage however is indisputable. I look forward to this Spring and sanity returning to the populace.  Think positive, but keep your powder dry.
NEAR-Fest XXVIII - October 16 & 17 2020. / Re: A little confused
« Last post by W1RC on October 09, 2020, 09:13:26 AM »
After giving the matter serious thought and careful consideration I made the difficult decision to cancel the October 2020 NEAR-Fest.  As members of the Deerfield Fair Ass’n Ben and I attended the special meeting in June to decide whether to cancel the 2020 Fair.  One of the main concerns was people coming from “away”.  It was one of the factors in my decision.  Another was the thought that maintaining a six-foot separation, especially in the flea market would be impossible to enforce.  Additionally, our age group is the most vulnerable to this disease and has the highest mortality rate, a fact that is impossible to ignore.

Additionally many people and exhibitors told me that would not attend NEAR-Fest in October if it were held because of Coronavirus concerns.

I also consulted with my management team.  Every one agreed that the event should be cancelled due to these concerns. 

We are now planning NEAR-Fest XXIX on April 30 and May 1 2021.  However there is no way of knowing how this pandemic will play out in the next six months.  Should conditions warrant it at that point in time and I feel that there is a significant health risk to my management team, our exhibitors, our attendees as well as the fairgrounds staff and townspeople I will do whatever I have to do in order to keep everybody safe. 

We are all disappointed and deeply saddened that the schedule for the coming weekend will be empty.  However we are consoled by the thought that we WILL return to Deerfield and when we do it will be bigger and better than ever.  As of now (October 9th 2020).  That will take place on Friday April 30th, 2021! 


Mister Mike, W1RC

PS: The car show and the horse shows are held at the discretion of the DFA Directors.  I am sure they are in compliance with the NH health department guidelines.   

Multimedia / Re: Southern California 2m Repeaters, Circa 1978-1983
« Last post by W1RC on October 07, 2020, 07:57:55 AM »
The following piece about Richard Burton, ex-WB6JAC, ex-WB6YIO, ex-KF6GKS, appeared in the Tuesday, September 15 1992 LA Times, Metro section, pages B3 and B4.
Randy Cole, KN6W


Ham Operator Who Makes Waves on Airwaves Faces New FCC Charges
by Bob Pool,  Times Staff Writer.

Legend has it that Richard A. Burton's problems started at church with Ronald Reagan.

By one account, the amateur radio operator made an obscenity-laced shortwave broadcast that was somehow transmitted over the loudspeaker system at the Bel-Air church where the president-elect was attending Sunday services in 1979.  By another, Reagan heard a snippet of Burton's raunchy, on-the-air comments when a Hollywood film producer cornered him afterthe service and played a cassette tape for him.

Both versions suggest that Reagan got an awful earful that day --enough to prompt 12 years of wrangling between the Federal Communications Commission and Burton. The dispute has landed the ham operator in federal prison once and now threatens to send him there again.

Burton was ordered into U.S. District Court in Los Angeles Monday morning to answer new charges that he violated FCC regulations by broadcasting without a license. The allegations are certain to further complicate Burton's effort to win his ham license back and, at worst, could land him once more in prison.

"I've never seen the ham community as divided on anything as it is on this," said John Brunk, a Norwalk medical technician and amateur operator whose friends have taken sides in the matter, often arguing over Burton's case on the air.

Foes of Burton have flooded the local FCC office with phone calls and letters demanding that he never be relicensed. They claim he continues to illegally broadcast the same profanities and epithets that first got him in trouble.

Supporters of Burton have contributed money to help him hire a lawyer to win his license back. They contend that he has harmed no one and is a victim of a government vendetta.
Ham Anthony Cardenas, a Carson computer consultant campaigning to keep Burton off the air, says that "he's served his time, but he's not a changed man."

Ted Krempa, a Mission Viejo insurance man who has donated $100 to Burton's defense, counters: "This is about a hobby, that's what's kind of silly.... what harm can a person possibly do on ham radio?"

So far, the FCC has steadfastly refused to issue a new operating permit to Burton, 48, an electronics engineer who is disabled by heart and respiratory problems. A licensing hearing scheduled for last week was abruptly canceled when an administrative law judge ruled that Burton's past convictions -- coupled with a missed deadline for his paperwork -- nullified his application.

The new indictment filed Monday alleges that Burton made illegal transmissions on May 5, May 20 and July 6. Burton pleaded innocent Monday. He was ordered to return for trial Nov. 10. Burton said Monday that he plans to appeal the license ruling to an FCC review board and the agency's commissioners if necessary.

If that fails, he as vowed to sue the government to get his license back.  He says that what started as a hobby has become a compulsion that has affected him mentally and physically. Stress from the FCC dispute caused his weight to balloon to 480 pounds last year, he said.  "I just want to talk to my friends on the radio," he said. "It's been a hard 12 years. Every day I've dreamed of getting my license back. Ham radio is my life, my fellow radio amateurs are my family. Radio is my contact with the outside world."

"I've served my time, paid my fine, served my probationary period. I've undergone the court-ordered therapy that was required. I'm rehabilitated, in terms of talking dirty on the radio. I won't talk dirty -- unless I'm provoked."

But Burton acknowledges that it was his mouth that got him in trouble in the beginning. He admits he sometimes used "barroom language" and interrupted other amateurs' conversations in the late 1970s.

"That built the fire," Burton said, "It's been downhill from there for me. Of course, I didn't help matters."  When the FCC ordered him in 1980 to watch his language, Burton brushed the warning aside. After that, when the FCC suspended his ham license, Burton kept talking. He was convicted in federal court in 1982 for transmitting without a license and broadcasting obscenities -- although the obscenity conviction was overturned two years later.

In 1984, Burton was sentenced by federal Judge Manuel L. Real to four years in prison on the license charge. All but six months of the sentence were suspended and he was placed on five years probation.

"I spent six months, 20 days and eight hours in Lompoc," Burton said. "Other prisoners couldn't believe it when they asked me what I was in for and I told them, 'For talking on the radio.'"

Burton immediately applied for a new ham license when his probation ended in 1990. But before the government acted on the request, FCC investigators again caught him talking on the radio without a license. Burton avoided a return to prison by pleading to federal Judge Robert M. Takasugi for "forgiveness and mercy."  "I don't expect the FCC or the amateur radio community to welcome me back with open arms, but I hope that some day they can show some compassion to one who has gone astray," he wrote Takasugi.

Burton was fined $2,000 and placed on another year of probation. When that period ended last fall, he applied again for a new license.  But his detractors say he again picked up a microphone earlier this year without waiting for the FCC to issue him a new permit. Amateur operator Mel Goldstein, a hydraulics company manager from Thousand Oaks, said Burton recently interfered with Ventura county hams' transmissions and uttered ethnic slurs over the aairwaves -- an allegation Burton denies.

"That guy doesn't deserve to be licensed," Goldstein said. Ed Walker, co-founder of the Baldwin Hills Amateur Radio Club, said that "it's ridiculous to go to jail for talking on the radio. But he asked for it. Richard hasn't reformed."

For his part, Burton says he is not guilty. He said a friend now has possession of his radio equipment. "It's like candy -- I want it locked up and out of my reach," he said.

Burton's supporters say he has been punished enough. Ham Mike Foster, a Mission Viejo electronics technician, said many of Burton's critics have never heard him on the air. "They've heard of him. Automatically he's a terrible guy because he went to prison," Foster said.

Hal Hileman, a Palm Springs engineer, agrees with other Burton backers who say that since the controversial ham has served his time, he should be considered rehabilitated.  He was a boyhood friend of Burton in Eagle Rock when they were Cub Scouts. Both became interested in radio by building an old- fashioned crystal set together.

"I'm a traditional kind of ham, conservative on the radio," Hileman said. "But I can't see any justification for holding back his license. It's clear to me there's a lot more going on between him and the FCC than just breaking the law." Ralph Haller, current chief of the commission's Private Radio Bureau, said the Burton case was simply triggered by FCC investigators who picked up on complaints.

"We're always facing a very delicate balance between freedom of speech and yet allowing something on frequencies that can be heard internationally," Haller said from Washington before Monday's indictments were announced.
NEAR-Fest XXIX - April 30 & May 1 2021 / ADVANCE TICKETS GO ON SALE OCTOBER 1st, 2020.
« Last post by W1RC on September 27, 2020, 08:55:31 AM »
Hello Friends....

I have received a number of emails and phone calls from folks who are concerned about the future of NEAR-Fest asking how they can donate money or if there are any other ways they can help out during these difficult times.  We want to thank those who offered monetary gifts and are happy to report that we are financially solvent and as such we are not in a position where we need to solicit outright donations in order to stay afloat. 

However, here’s how you can help if you want.  We are reinstating our tickets-by-mail operation starting October 1st, 2020 and we would very much appreciate it if you could send your order for tickets before December 15th, 2021. Here’s why that date is important:

As a basic 501(c)(3) tax exempt non-profit entity we are only allowed to take in so much in gross revenue a calendar year. Our annual filing requirements are very simple - a seven question online form.  However if we exceed this amount we then would now have to fill out a big pile of forms for “Uncle” and we just don’t want to go there.  K.I.S.S. applies.

We sincerely regret that both 2020 NEAR-Fests had to be cancelled.  But because there have been no NEAR-Fests this year there has also been no revenue.  We want to raise some funds in this calendar year because that will give us some revenue to report for 2020 and also to build up our reserves in case this Coronavirus thing goes on longer than expected.

We are planning NEAR-Fest XXIX for April 30 and May 1st 2021 and are asking you to help by buying your tickets, preferably THIS YEAR.  In the event that this pandemic is not contained by Spring 2021 these advance tickets will be honoured at the next NEAR-Fest, whenever that may be.  I promise you we will be back at Deerfield but only when it is safe to do so.

Here’s more reasons why you should buy them now and help us replenish our financial reserves and keep our commitments.

We will be raising the cost of admission to $15.00 at the gate effective April 30th 2021 so advance purchasers will save $5.00 per ticket. We have a limited number of advance tickets and when they sell out those who waited will have to buy them at the Fairgrounds when they arrive.  You may buy as many tickets as you want. 

We are also offering a limited number of “VIP Lifetime Passes“ at $250.   This will entitle the holder and one guest to enter at 8:00AM Friday morning along with their vehicle.  The VIP Pass-holder will receive one regular ticket and thus be eligible for all door prize drawings.  Please note that this is cannot considered a ”donation” and therefore the cost is probably not tax deductible.

As an added incentive to buy tickets in advance we will be holding a special door prize drawing for advance ticket buyers for an Xiegu G90 HF 20W SDR transceiver valued at “around $500.00.” To ensure that you are eligible you should buy your tickets before midnight December 15th, 2020. This special drawing will take place at a time and location to be determined, probably at a radio flea market or other such publicly attended event prior to the opening of the gate at Deerfield.  The winner will not have to to be present at the drawing to win. 

Please mail your ticket orders to NEAR-Fest, 316 Atlantic Avenue, Marblehead MA 01945-2730 before December 15th 2020.  Send $10.00 per ticket and $10.00 for each vehicle pass along with a self-addressed stamped envelope.  Make check or money order payable to the New England Amateur Radio Festival, Inc.  Please do not send cash in the mail. Your checks will be deposited before the end of December and tickets will be mailed out early in 2021.   

You may buy as many advance tickets as you want.

Tickets and inside parking passes will be available for in-person purchase at Ham Radio Outlet in Salem NH and on the South Shore at Ross Hochstrasser's Clock Shop located at 40 Walnut Street in Whitman MA starting November 1st.  Cash only is accepted at these locations.  Ticket stubs should be filled in at time of purchase and retained by the seller so they may be given to us and entered in the special and regular prize drawing.

For tickets ordered by mail we will enter your name, call, address, email and telephone number on the prize stub.  These will be retained and deposited in a safe container to be used for the special prize drawing.  All advance ticket stubs, including the winner, will be placed in the main prize draw drum at the hamfest and will remain eligible for all other prize drawings during the fest.

NEAR-Fest will survive this horrific pandemic no matter how long it takes to get it under control and it is safe once again to return to Deerfield.  We thank you for your help and encouragement.

Meanwhile stay safe and healthy. 


Mister Mike, W1RC, and the entire NEAR-Fest gang of usual suspects.
NEAR-Fest XXVIII - October 16 & 17 2020. / A little confused
« Last post by KA2QFX on September 12, 2020, 05:32:56 PM »
So it's Saturday 9/12/2020.  I just came from a car show at the Deerfield Fairgronds. Indide the upper grounds was an ongoing horse event. Lots of RVs, Campers. Fullbup. Looks like theyve been there a while. Lower field was all classic cars, vendors, swap meeters, etc.  Again pretty full up. Probably three times the size of our event. Not a lot of masks though.   
So Im a little confused about by who and why October NEARFest was nixed.  Certainly seems like the fairgrounds has no problem hosting.

Mister Mike's "Mishigoss" Board / A Happy 9-11 Story.....
« Last post by W1RC on September 04, 2020, 12:57:45 PM »
As we approach the nineteenth anniversary of 9-11 it seems important to post this story.  This narrative was written by a flight crew member of Delta Flight 15 that was diverted to Gander Newfoundland and stayed there for three days after all US airspace was closed.

“We were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt flying over the North Atlantic and I was in my crew rest seat taking my scheduled rest break. All of a sudden the curtains parted violently and I was told to go to the cockpit, right now, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed the crew had one of those “All Business” looks on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. I quickly read the message and realized the importance of it. The message was from Atlanta, addressed to our flight, and simply said, “All airways over the Continental US are closed. Land ASAP at the nearest airport, advise your destination.”

Now, when a dispatcher tells you to land immediately without suggesting which airport, one can assume that the dispatcher has reluctantly given up control of the flight to the captain. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. It was quickly decided that the nearest airport was 400 miles away, behind our right shoulder, in Gander, on the island of Newfoundland.

A quick request was made to the Canadian traffic controller and a right turn, directly to Gander, was approved immediately. We found out later why there was no hesitation by the Canadian controller approving our request. We, the in-flight crew, were told to get the airplane ready for an immediate landing. While this was going on another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. We briefed the in-flight crew about going to Gander and we went about our business ‘closing down’ the airplane for a landing. A few minutes later I went back to the cockpit to find out that some airplanes had been hijacked and were being flown into buildings all over the US. We decided to make an announcement and LIE to the passengers for the time being. We told them that an instrument problem had arisen on the airplane and that we needed to land at Gander, to have it checked. We promised to give more information after landing in Gander. There were many unhappy passengers but that is par for the course.

We landed in Gander about 40 minutes after the start of this episode. There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world. After we parked on the ramp the captain made the following announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. But the reality is that we are here for a good reason.” Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the US. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. Local time at Gander was 12:30 pm. (11:00 AM EST)

Gander control told us to stay put. No one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near the aircrafts. Only a car from the airport police would come around once in a while, look us over and go on to the next airplane. In the next hour or so all the airways over the North Atlantic were vacated and Gander alone ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, out of which 27 were flying US flags.
We were told that each and every plane was to be offloaded, one at a time, with the foreign carriers given the priority. We were No. 14 in the US category. We were further told that we would be given a tentative time to deplane at 6 pm. Meanwhile bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC.

People were trying to use their cell phones but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada. Some did get through but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the US were either blocked or jammed and to try again. Some time late in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash.

Now the passengers were totally bewildered and emotionally exhausted but stayed calm as we kept reminding them to look around to see that we were not the only ones in this predicament. There were 52 other planes with people on them in the same situation. We also told them that the Canadian Government was in charge and we were at their mercy. True to their word, at 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would come at 11 AM, the next morning. That took the last wind out of the passengers and they simply resigned and accepted this news without much noise and really started to get into a mode of spending the night on the airplane.

Gander had promised us any and all medical attention if needed; medicine, water, and lavatory servicing. And they were true to their word.

Fortunately we had no medical situation during the night. We did have a young lady who was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took REALLY good care of her. The night passed without any further complications on our airplane despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th we were told to get ready to leave the aircraft.

A convoy of school buses showed up at the side of the airplane, the stairway was hooked up and the passengers were taken to the terminal for “processing” We, the crew, were taken to the same terminal but were told to go to a different section, where we were processed through Immigration and customs and then had to register with the Red Cross. After that we were isolated from our passengers and were taken in a caravan of vans to a very small hotel in the town of Gander. We had no idea where our passengers were going.

The town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people. Red Cross told us that they were going to process about 10,500 passengers from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander. We were told to just relax at the hotel and wait for a call to go back to the airport, but not to expect that call for a while. We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV, 24 hours after it all started. Meanwhile we enjoyed ourselves going around town discovering things and enjoying the hospitality. The people were so friendly and they just knew that we were the “Plane people”. We all had a great time until we got that call, 2 days later, on the 14th at 7 AM. We made it to the airport by 8:30 AM and left for Atlanta at 12:30 PM arriving in Atlanta at about 4:30 PM. (Gander is 1 hour and 30 minutes ahead of EST, yes!, 1 hour and 30 minutes.) But that’s not what I wanted to tell you. What passengers told us was so uplifting and incredible and the timing couldn’t have been better.

We found out that Gander and the surrounding small communities, within a 75 Kilometer radius, had closed all the high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to a mass lodging area. Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up. ALL the high school students HAD to volunteer taking care of the “GUESTS”.

Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewisporte, about 45 Kilometers from Gander. There they were put in a high school. If any women wanted to be in a women only facility, that was arranged. Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were given no choice and were taken to private homes. Remember that young pregnant lady, she was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24 hour Urgent Care type facility. There were DDS on call and they had both male and female nurses available and stayed with the crowd for the duration. Phone calls and emails to US and Europe were available for every one once a day.

During the days the passengers were given a choice of “Excursion” trips. Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and harbors. Some went to see the local forests. Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests. Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the school for those who elected to stay put. Others were driven to the eatery of their choice and fed. They were given tokens to go to the local Laundromat to wash their clothes, since their luggage was still on the aircraft.

In other words every single need was met for those unfortunate travelers. Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. After all that, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single one missing or late. All because the local Red Cross had all the information about the goings on back at Gander and knew which group needed to leave for the airport at what time. Absolutely incredible.

When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everybody knew everybody else by their name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. It was mind boggling. Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a party flight. We simply stayed out of their way. The passengers had totally bonded and they were calling each other by their first names, exchanging phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses. And then a strange thing happened. One of our business class passengers approached me and asked if he could speak over the PA to his fellow passengers. We never, never, allow that. But something told me to get out of his way. I said “of course”. The gentleman picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers. He further stated that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of the town of Lewisporte. He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide a scholarship for high school student(s) of Lewisporte to help them go to college. He asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, it totaled to $14.5K or about $20K Canadian. The gentleman who started all this turned out to be an MD from Virginia. He promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship.

He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well.
Why, all of this? Just because some people in far away places were kind to some strangers, who happened to literally drop in among them?”
NEAR-Fest XXVII - May 1 & 2 2020 / Re: June MIT Flea has been canceled
« Last post by DrOptigan on August 04, 2020, 12:33:07 AM »
To be honest I don't think we will see the place at all in 2020.  Let’s hope for the grand reopening in April 2021.
You are correct, the latest update to the MIT Swapfest page states, as we all figured, that it will not be held in 2020. :'( Let's hope that things improve enough to allow the Swap (not to mention NEAR-Fest and the other swapmeets in the area) to resume in 2021.
Multimedia / Re: George Carlin.......The Invisible Man in the Sky.
« Last post by W1RC on July 07, 2020, 03:01:49 PM »

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!!”

Multimedia / Still More George Carlin
« Last post by W1RC on July 06, 2020, 03:11:49 PM »
[about airport security]
George Carlin : They'll take away a gun, but let you keep a knife. Well, what the fuck is that? In fact, there is a whole list of lethal objects they will allow you to take on board. Theoretically, you could take a knife, an ice pick, a hatchet, a straight razor, a pair of scissors, a chainsaw, six knitting needles, and a broken whiskey bottle, and the only thing they're going to say to you is, "That bag has to fit all the way under the seat in front of you."

[about the United States' hypochondria]
George Carlin : It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths! In prisons, before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol!
[laughter and applause]
George Carlin : It's true! It's true. It's true! Well, they don't want you to get an infection! And you can see their point: wouldn't want some guy to go to Hell *and* be sick! It would a lot of the sportsmanship out of the whole execution.
George Carlin : Besides, an airplane ride shouldn't be completely safe. You need a little danger in your life! What are you gonna do, play with your prick for another 30 years? Read People magazine and eat at Wendy's til the end of time? Take a fuckin' chance! And besides, if we made airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would simply start bombing other places that are crowded. Porn shops, crack houses, titty bars, and gangbangs. You know, entertainment venues.
George Carlin : Do you know why it is, when a rancher fucks a sheep, he does so at the edge of a cliff? It's so the sheep will push back.
George Carlin : [on the security questions asked at the airport]  "Did you pack your bags yourself?" No, Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to the house last night, fixed me a lovely Lobster Newberg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four-way around the world and then they packed my bags. Next question.
[about the phrases "happens to be black" and "openly gay"]
George Carlin : You know, you wouldn't say someone was "openly black." Well, maybe James Brown. Or Louis Farrakhan. Louis Farrakhan is openly black. Colin Powell is not openly black. Colin Powell is openly white - he just happens to be black.
George Carlin : [about God]  I honestly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this.
[after his "invisible man in the sky" bit]
George Carlin : Now, you talk about a good bullshit story, HOLY SHIT!
George Carlin : I have always been willing to put myself at great personal risk for the sake of entertainment. And I've always been willing to put *you* at great personal risk for the same reason.
George Carlin : Names are an interest of mine. Not a hobby; hobbies cost money.
George Carlin : Here's another question I've been pondering: what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Yeah, three out of four people now believe in angels. What are you, fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their fucking mind in this country? Angels, shit. You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback of all the drugs, ALL the drugs, smoked, swallowed, snorted, shot, and absorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of adulterated street drugs that'll get you some fucking angels, my friend!
George Carlin : There's too much security at the airport. I'm tired of some guy with a double-digit I.Q. and a triple-digit income rooting around inside of my bag for no reason and never *finding* anything! Haven't found anything yet. Haven't found one bomb in one bag! And don't tell me, "Well, the terrorists know their bags are going to be searched, so now they're leaving their bombs at home." There are no bombs. The whole thing's fucking pointless! And, it's completely without logic. There's no logic at all!
George Carlin : Personally, I never take any special precautions against germs. I don't shy away from people who sneeze and cough, I don't wipe off the telephone, I don't cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor, I pick it up and *eat it*! I eat it! Yes I do! Even if I'm at a sidewalk cafe. In *Calcutta*! The poor section! On New Year's morning, during a soccer riot! And you know something? In spite of all that so-called risky behavior, I never get infections. I don't get 'em. I don't get colds, I don't get flu, I don't get headaches, I don't upset stomachs, and you know why? 'Cause I got a good strong immune system, and it gets a lot of practice. My immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully-automatic military assault rifles, with night vision and laser scopes. And we have recently acquired phosphorous grenades, cluster bombs, and anti-personnel fragmentation mines. So, when my white blood cells are on patrol, keeping order in my bloodstream, seeking out strange and other undesirables, if they see any, ANY suspicious-looking germs of any kind, they *don't fuck around*! They whip out the weapons, they wax the motherfucker, and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon! Into my colon! There's no nonsense, there's no Miranda warning, there's none of that "three strikes and you're out" shit. First offense, bam! Into the colon you go!
George Carlin : Suppose you just had really big hands. Couldn't you strangle a flight attendant? Shit, you could probably strangle two of them, one with each hand! You know, if you were lucky enough to catch them in that little kitchen area, before they give out the fucking peanuts, you know? But you can get the job done, if you really cared enough.
George Carlin : [about the invisible man in the sky]  He loves you, and he needs MONEY! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-wise. Somehow...
[snaps fingers]
George Carlin : ... just can't handle money!
George Carlin : That's what Americans do now: they're always willing to trade away a little of their freedom in exchange for the feeling, the illusion of security. What we have now is a completely neurotic population OBSESSED with security and safety and crime and drugs and cleanliness and hygiene and germs!
George Carlin : I don't always wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom, okay? Can you deal with that? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. You know when I wash my hands? When I shit on them! That's the only time! That's the only... And you know how often that happens? Tops... Tops! Two, three times a week, tops. Maybe a little more frequently over the holidays, you know what I mean?
George Carlin : I also know all you single dads and soccer moms who think you're such fucking heroes aren't gonna like this, but somebody's gotta tell you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued. You've turned them into little cult objects, you have a child fetish, and it's not healthy. And don't give me that weak shit: "Well, I love my children!" Fuck you! Everybody loves their children; it doesn't make you special. John Wayne Gacy loved his children. Kept them all out in the yard near the garage. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless yammering in the media, this completely neurotic fixation that somehow everything... EVERYTHING revolves around children. It's completely out of balance.
George Carlin : Here's another male cliche: these guys who cut the sleeves off of their t-shirts so the rest of us can have a more compelling experience of smelling their armpits! I say, "Hey, Bruno, shut it down, would you, please? You smell like an anchovy's cunt, okay? Ugh! Ugh! Oh! Not good, Bruno, and definitely not for sharing."
George Carlin : [doing the Advertising Lullaby]  Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free home trial, and free parking. No cash? No problem. No kidding. No muss, no fuss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments of interest 'til September. But limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money. Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply. So come on in. Come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly professional staff. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget. And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift, a classic, deluxe, custom, designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet pocket pencil sharpener. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. And if you act now, we'll include an extra added, free, complimentary bonus gift, a classic, deluxe, custom, designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet combination key ring, magnifying glass and garden hose in a genuine imitation leather style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. Actually, it's our way of saying, "Bend over just a little bit farther, so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper!"
George Carlin : Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan? Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every rundown schmuck with a two-dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up Your Plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.
George Carlin : [after mentioning Mr. Pibb in his long drawn out name for a roadside hotel]  Because that's all that seems to be left in that vending machine by Sunday night, y'know? Mr. Pibb, and Diet Shasta Orange! Oh, and that yellow can of Canada Dry tonic water that NOBODY WANTS!
George Carlin : [criticizing people's belief in angels]  Angels, shit. What about goblins, huh? Doesn't anybody believe in goblins? We never hear from them, except on Halloween, and it's always negative shit, too, you know? And zombies! Where the fuck are all the zombies? That's the trouble with zombies, they're unreliable. I say if you're going to buy the angels shit, you might go for the zombie package as well.
George Carlin : When I was a little boy in New York City in the 1940s, we swam in the Hudson River, and it was filled with raw sewage, okay? We swam in raw sewage! You know, to cool off. And at that time, the big fear was polio. Thousands of kids died from polio every year. But you know something? In my neighborhood, no one ever got polio. No one, ever! You know why? 'Cause we swam in raw sewage! It strengthened our immune systems! The polio never had a prayer. We were tempered in raw shit!
George Carlin : Here's another horrifying example... er, aspect of American culture: the pussification, the continued pussification of the American male, in the form...
[pauses as the audience cheers]
George Carlin : Yeah, all right... in the form of Harley-Davidson theme restaurants. What the fuck is going on here? Harley-Davidson used to mean something. It stood for biker attitude: grimy outlaws and their sweaty mamas, full of beer and crank, rolling around on Harleys, looking for a good time, destroying property, raping teenagers, and killing policemen. All very necessary activities, by the way. But now, theme restaurants... And this soft shit obviously didn't come from hardcore bikers. It came from these weekend motorcyclists, these fraudulent, two-days-a-week motherfuckers who had their bikes trucked into Sturgis, South Dakota, for the big rally and then ride around like they just came in off the road. Dentists and bureaucrats and pussy-boy software designers, getting up on a Harley 'cause they think it makes them cool. Well, hey, you ain't cool, you're fucking chilly! Your chili ain't never been cool.
George Carlin : If you want to know how you can help your children, LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!
George Carlin : If there is a God, IF there is, I think most reasonable people might agree that He is at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit! Which I admire in a person and which would explain some of these bad results.
George Carlin : If you should have any cognitive dissonance about the fact that I do commercials for 10-10-2-20 and still attack advertising up here... well, you're just going to have to figure that shit out on your own, okay?
George Carlin : I worship the sun, but I don't pray to the sun. You know why? I wouldn't presume on a friendship. It's not polite. I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking Him TRILLIONS AND TRILLIONS of prayers every day, asking and pleading and begging for favors; do this, give me that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday, His day off.
George Carlin : [discussing what's on TV at the same time as this special]  Later on tonight on the Pay-Per-View, on Pay-Per-View, Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson's concert is on and TV guide-listed all the songs he's gonna sing; he's gonna start out with one of my favorites: "Too Drunk to Jerk Off". Isn't that a good one? God I love that song! Then he's gonna do a series of love songs: "Kiss Me, I'm Coming". Aw that's a good one. "Kiss me, I'm coming. Oh now, I'm humming!"
George Carlin : Well I can't help it, I am a romantic and I do enjoy the sentimental tunes. Here's a sad song: "I Should've Fucked Oh Whatshername". Remember that? "I should've never played the game, I should've fucked oh Whatshername." Here's one my mother used to sing around the house: "Your Love Ran Down My Leg, and Now You're Gone". Yeah, that one always got to me. I'm glad you feel the same way. Here's a fine love song: "You Blew My Mind, Now Blow Me". He's even gonna do a Stevie Wonder song: "I Just Called To Say I Tested Positive". Well, you don't wanna leave anybody out, you know what I mean? And hey, and hey, what would a Willie Nelson show be without a couple of cowboy songs? He's gonna do that one George Jones and Waylon Jennings wrote, "Drinking Beer, Taking a Shit, and Passing Out", then he's gonna do kind of a traditional western song, one that Gene Autry used to sing when I was a little boy: "It's Midnight in Montana and I Can't Get My Dick Outta This Cow." You know why I like that song so much? Cause it's a real cowboy song. And by the way, speaking of cattle-fucking, do you know why it is when a rancher fucks a sheep, he does so at the edge of a cliff? It's so the sheep will push back; just a little tip for you outdoorsmen when you're out camping.
Multimedia / Even More George Carlin
« Last post by W1RC on July 06, 2020, 03:11:28 PM »
George Carlin : I don't think white people should be trying to dance like blacks. Stop that! Stick to your faggoty polkas and waltzes! And that repulsive country line dancing shit that you do. And be yourself, be proud, be white, be lame, and get the fuck off the dance floor!
George Carlin : [on the security questions asked at the airport]  "Has any unknown person asked you to take anything on board?" Hmm. Well, what exactly is an unknown person? Surely, everyone is known to someone. In fact, just this morning, Kareem and Yusef Ali Ben Gabba seemed to know each other quite well. They kept joking about which one of my suitcases was the heaviest.
George Carlin : Living in this country, you're bound to know, every time you're exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. And the sad part is, is that most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: advertising, politics, salesmen. Not true, bullshit is everywhere. Bullshit is rampant. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are full of shit. This entire country is completely full of shit, and always has been. From the Declaration of Independence to the Constitution to the Star-Spangled Banner, it's still nothing more than one big steaming pile of red, white and blue all-American bullshit.
George Carlin : When it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize something is *fucked up*. Something is *wrong* here: war, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades! Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. Just between you and me, in between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago.
George Carlin : I became a sun worshiper; several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, kinda helps the credibility along, you know? So every day, I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need: heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake... and occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.
George Carlin : This country was founded by a group of slave-owners who told us all men are created equal. Oh yeah, all men, except for Indians and niggers and women, right? I always like to use that authentic American language. This was a small group of unelected, white, male, land-holding slave-owners who also suggested their class be the only one allowed to vote. Now, that is what's known as being stunningly and embarrassingly full of shit. And I think Americans really show their ignorance when they say they want their politicians to be honest. What are these fuckin' cretins talking about? If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse!
George Carlin : [about why people elected and reelected Bill Clinton]  The American people like their bullshit right up front, where they can get a good, strong whiff of it. Clinton might be full of shit, but at least he lets you know it. Dole tried to hide it, didn't he? Dole kept saying, "I'm a plain and honest man." Bullshit! People don't believe that. What did Clinton say? He said, "Hi, folks! I'm completely full of shit, and how do you like that?" And the people said, "You know something? At least he's honest!"
George Carlin : White people got no business playing the blues ever, at all, under any circumstances. Ever, ever, ever. What the fuck do white people have to be blue about? "Banana Republic ran out of khakis"?
George Carlin : "The espresso machine is jammed"?
George Carlin : "Hootie and the Blowfish are breaking up"?
George Carlin : Shit, white people ought to understand their job is to *give* people the blues, not to get them. And certainly not to sing or play them. I'll tell you a little secret about the blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play. You got to know why they need to be played.
George Carlin : Something else I'm getting tired of, is all this stupid bullshit we have to listen to all the time about children. It's all you hear in this country: children! Help the children! What about the children? Save the children! You know what I say? I say fuck the children! Fuck 'em! They are getting entirely too much attention. And I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "Jesus, he's not going to attack children, is he?" Yes, he is! He's going to attack children. And remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking; I know what I'm talking about.
George Carlin : [On the security questions asked at the airport]  "Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?" No. Usually the night before I travel, just as the moon is rising, I place my suitcases out on the street corner and leave them there unattended for several hours. Just for good luck.
George Carlin : Here's another guy thing that sucks: these t-shirts that say, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way". You ever see that? This is more of that stupid Marine Corps bullshit. Obsolete, male impulses from a hundred thousand years ago, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way". You know what I do when I see that shirt? I obstruct. I stand right in the guy's path, force him to walk around me, he gets a little past me, I spin him around kick him in the nuts, rip off his shirt, wipe it on my ass, and shove it down his fucking throat. Hey, listen, that's all these Marines are looking for, a good time.

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 10